The past year has been a hard one for our whole family, but not in a seriously horrible way. I had a baby, I went through depression, we’ve been frustrated living in our “temporary” home while waiting for our house to be finished, and my daughter had her own worries. My beautiful daughter, Chanel, who just finished first grade, went through a lot of things this school year.
First she adjusted to having a younger brother, which seemed great but there were jealousy problems here and there, just as I would expect there to be. Her teacher was new to teaching young children and none of us were big fans of hers, even to the point where I considered switching schools to get away from her. In the end we decided that even if we switch schools, we might run into another teacher that we didn’t like. And then main source of her problems with this teacher was her hearing.
There are some days that I want to do nothing at all. Being a mother & wife, laundry & cooking still take part of this equation (don’t most people still need to do these things?), but it’s after 2 pm and I’m sitting here in my PJs watching Maka Paka dance around on the screen while baby #2 causes destruction in our living/dining/kitchen room. Whoever thought open living spaces were the bomb didn’t have children yet.
I sit and contemplate having some wine. I think, I should put baby down for a nap and then shower and rejoin society dressed in clean, nice smelling clothes. But then I have to wait for my favourite pair of yoga pants to finish drying.
Recently I posted about my difficulties with post-partum depression, and how I’ve been slowly dealing with it. I received some really nice comments and emails from it, and I’m so grateful to you guys for reaching out.
I finally feel like the fog I’ve lived in for the past year or so is finally clearing. Activities and events don’t fill me with dread and panic so much any more. I am finding myself interested in new things, excited about biking and jogging and cross-stitching and things I would have shrugged my shoulders to in the past.
This is a huge relief to me, but with that feeling also comes the fear that it will come back all too soon.
Life can be so funny sometimes. I started off this year wanting to really pull myself together again, live the life I had always imagined. Together my husband and I started to slowly eat better, in March we actually quit alcohol for the month and were eating healthy foods about 90% of the time (a girl still needs her emergency chocolate!). I was so motivated to get this healthy goal of mine going.
But in April, my motivation started to wane. We started to have more and more “cheat” nights, started ordering pizza again, and by May we were back to our weekend food binges, Tuesday night pizza, wine on a Thursday (because why not?), etc, etc. I realised that the 12 pounds I lost in March had all crept back on.