the fog is slowly lifting

chin up buttercup

Recently I posted about my difficulties with post-partum depression, and how I’ve been slowly dealing with it. I received some really nice comments and emails from it, and I’m so grateful to you guys for reaching out.

I finally feel like the fog I’ve lived in for the past year or so is finally clearing. Activities and events don’t fill me with dread and panic so much any more. I am finding myself interested in new things, excited about biking and jogging and cross-stitching and things I would have shrugged my shoulders to in the past.

This is a huge relief to me, but with that feeling also comes the fear that it will come back all too soon.

What if this is just a clear day and the weather turns for the worst again?

I hate living with that fear seeded in the back of my mind. I hate thinking that although right now I’m feeling good and am agreeing to go do things again, what if I change my mind? It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, but out of this emotional, irrational, scary feeling? It seems too silly.

I suppose I’ll have to take things as they come. Live day by day.

I wonder if anyone else goes through their day repeating motivational quotes, encouraging words meant for self-help books. Does anyone else do that, or just me?

Sometimes I feel that I’m thinking in clichés, too much time spent on tumblr reading inspirational crap.

But other than that, right now I’m feeling a lot better than I was, and that’s something to be thankful for.

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5 Comments

  1. June 12, 2013 / 1:31 pm

    I hope you find the balance you need to keep this fog away. I like to find what makes me happy. I got into photography and that made me happy and then I got into comedy and that brings me happiness (and anxiety and so many other feelings!) but I love it and it works for me.

    • Margarita
      June 12, 2013 / 4:12 pm

      It sounds like you’ve definitely found some exciting hobbies and life paths! Cross stitching sounds silly but I used to enjoy it as a kid, so I started again recently and discovered that I still love it 🙂 I’m hoping to take some photography classes in the fall as well.

      • June 12, 2013 / 5:05 pm

        cross-stitching is not silly at all! I wish I were that talented. My mom was a home ec teacher for years and can do all the things! but I have big gorilla hands and any hobby that requires a delicate touch is not one that I can master. 🙂

  2. June 16, 2013 / 6:41 pm

    I’m so glad you’re feeling better darling. Honestly, taking day by day is the only thing any of us can do. 🙂

    xo

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