Women Who Hate Other Women

Women Hating Other WomenAs a woman and a mom of an impressionable tween-aged girl, I’m still sometimes at disbelief in what I hear and see in the world. How can I change this world for the better? Make it a better place for my little girl? How can I help my little girl realise that every negative thing she might hear about herself isn’t necessarily true? How can I make my little girl see that  being negative about others is also hurting herself?

Growing up I’ve always had a close girlfriend or two, I would spend hours with them – shopping at the mall, hanging out and listening to music, gossiping, studying – it’s what girls do. However, I always felt more comfortable around men – or at the time, boys, if you will. Hanging out with guys was natural, it never felt judgmental or mean or hypercritical.

It never felt like I had to watch what I was saying around them, I never wondered what a guy friend was thinking about what I was saying. Maybe I’m naive in thinking that men are “nicer” than women, because I do know some guys who can gossip like a mutha, but in general, I just felt more easygoing around guys.

I could goof off and be funny, or act dumb, or I could be smart, or I could get dressed up, or even show up in sweat pants – a guy would just be generally accepting of my behaviour and appearance (at least externally), and I never felt like he had some hidden agenda to memorize everything I said and did to tell another guy about it.

Woman / Girl HateWe all knew mean girls growing up. Sometimes we were the mean girl. I know I was mean sometimes. Sometimes because I was jealous. Sometimes for no real reason. I was immature. I wasn’t always nice. In general I was a good person, but there were times I behaved badly, I’ll admit it, there’s no reason to pretend I was a saint.

I think a lot of this mean behaviour has to do with our own self-esteem, our own fears and peer pressures – however as we grow up and become adults, shouldn’t we learn from these past experiences?  Why do we feed our self-worth on other women’s failures?

I am almost 30 years old. In the last ten years I have grown as a person, as a woman, immensely. I have learned so much about myself, about the world and my place in it. I hold my family dearly, all that matters is what they think of me as a person – they know me best, my good and my bad – and I try to be the best person possible for them.

A Good Judgmental QuoteAs for the rest of the world? I approach everyone with the mantra – treat others as you wish to be treated. I don’t care what others think of me, I sometimes suffer from ‘foot-in-mouth’ syndrome, but I would never spread hate-fueled messages about anybody, no matter how much someone has wronged me.

Sometimes I have to remind myself. Remind myself not to be judgmental. Sometimes I don’t even realise I’m being mean – I’m just making a joke! But is it really funny? Would the person be hurt if they heard it?

I think twice before I say anything about other women – I don’t have the right. So where do all these other women with their Mommy Wars and Women Hate and gossip and Mean Girl behaviour get off? Why are they so competitive and jealous and filled with hate towards other women?

Why aren’t we coming together in solidarity?? Why don’t we HELP each other? If we don’t understand something – we can still LISTEN to each other.

There are so many women out there, so many mothers who do amazing and extraordinary things, single women, married women, women who work at home, women with day jobs and weekly pay cheques and women who are entrepreneurs and crafters and Pinterest-fanatics and decorators – we all come from different places and backgrounds and social upbringings and traditions – So Why So Much Hate?

I know this upcoming holiday season, and for the future as well, I will think twice before making a joke at someone’s expense. I will approach women, and all people, with a little extra compassion. Let’s love more and judge less.

Will you join me?

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8 Comments

  1. November 21, 2013 / 7:49 am

    Judging a person defines who you are..I love that!

    • November 21, 2013 / 8:05 am

      As soon as I saw that quote I thought it was perfect and so true!

  2. Jo
    November 21, 2013 / 7:25 pm

    There is the pressure to be nice and not say anything mean. I find my friends get the release of saying bitchy and judgemental things about celebrities-the people that you would never meet and never actually hurt their feelings by saying those things. I mean who didn’t make a comment about Mylie and the twerking/ her recent fashion choices? If she was a friend you would be more understanding of a breakup and experimental fashion but as someone you never would meet all bets are off.

    • November 22, 2013 / 8:31 am

      Very true, and it can be fun to make fun of people whose feelings you never really hurt, but there is a fine line I think between ‘celebrities’ and ‘real life people’. I try and stick to the truth, even if it’s not on the “nice” side, but I hate sugar-coating things.

  3. November 22, 2013 / 3:10 am

    It’s so complicated, the whole hierarchy and politics around girlfriend at school, isn’t it? As a mother of two girls, I fear what’s in store for us. Self esteem is surely a good starting point to avoid such behaviour. And to make them more resilient for what will be thrown at them. Xxx

    • November 22, 2013 / 8:33 am

      Yes, but how to make them more resilient?? I agree with you – and yet it’s such a personal thing! My daughter is beautiful, she’s fit and thin and I couldn’t even imagine her thinking there’s anything wrong with her – and YET at 7 years old she asks WHY are her thighs “so big” and squishes her tummy up when she’s sitting and asks why it does that??

      I always respond with how the body works, the importance of being physical and muscles and all the jabber – but it shocks me, especially because I REALLY try hard to not ever say anything negative about my body in front of her.

  4. Pam H.
    December 4, 2013 / 2:22 pm

    I will join you! I, too, am always looking for ways I can make this world a better place for my kids. I am baffled and downright horrified by the changes I see in the world my kids are living in compared to how things were when I was growing up – and it wasn’t all that long ago. I vow to set a good example and treat others the way I want to be treated.

  5. Jaime Brown
    December 5, 2013 / 3:56 pm

    That sounds great:), I was always on guard around girls listening and waiting for them to say something to me or anyone else in the group, but as soon as I got a little older I have gotten more relaxed and almost always don’t take things that are said about me personally. It has helped me deal with a lot of different people with different ideas. Thank you for sharing your blog, it would be great if we all could be there for everyone:)

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